Delirium
by Sorciere
Summary: Cyclops and Jean are getting married. So, what *is* the problem?


Disclaimer: "Eat my shorts!" --- Bart Simpson  
Title: Delirium   
Author: Sorcieré  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: S/J  
Summary: Cyclops and Jean are getting married. So, what *is* the problem...?  
  
A/N: *sing-song voice* Someone is gonna *haaaaaa-aaate* me for this...  
  
To Nadja - I do believe I owe you a Cyclops story. Hope this one is acceptable ;-)  
  
_..._ indicates telepathy  
  
***  
  
Delirium  
  
***  
  
It was the beginning and it was the end.   
  
It was the beginning of a new life for Cyclops, a life he would share with his wife-to-be Jean Grey.  
It was the end of Scott Summers' last hope for freedom.  
  
The world was white, lilac, pale yellow and light blue - a delicate, breathtaking and obviously very expensive gate of flowers, designer dresses for the bride's maids, soft, white cloth draped from the pavilion, generous bouquets of flawless flowers.   
  
Cyclops adjusted his butterfly for the tenth time and tried to suppress the sudden nervousness he felt.   
  
"Feels like a noose, doesn't it?" Bobby mumbled from his place as the best man. "But don't worry, oh fearless leader - it'll be over soon."   
  
"You're not helping, Drake," Cyclops said through clenched teeth.  
  
Bobby just grinned.  
  
Cyclops sighed and watched as the last of the guests sat down. Warren was there; he'd arrived from Washington the same morning. Jubilee was there, too, having said that there was no way she was going to miss the only chance of ever seeing Cyclops nervous. Rogue and Gambit was there, along with Logan, Hank and Kitty. Storm and Betsy, being the bride's maids, were still inside in Mansion.  
Most of Generation X was here, too, along with Excaliber and many of their fellow superheroes - Reed and Sue Richards, Peter Parker, Benjamin Franklin.   
  
Never in his life had he imagined that he would stand here, surrounded by friends and family, and about to get married to the most amazing woman he'd ever met.  
  
It felt wrong.  
  
Cyclops fought the urge to wipe his sweaty hands in his tuxedo.  
  
This whole thing seemed wrong.   
  
An expensive mansion, a beautiful wife-to-be, a father figure, people who looked up to him and admired him...this somehow felt very wrong.  
  
This was too perfect, too...*good* for him. He hadn't been like this when he was a child...had he?  
  
Cyclops frowned and tried to recall some memory of a life before this display of perfection.   
  
He found none.  
  
He tried again, focused harder this time...  
...And was assaulted by a memory so clear that he couldn't believe he hadn't been able to recall it before.   
  
It was a younger Scott Summers, curled up in a corner, hiding from a man who would only bring pain. Scott could almost feel the pain of that child, even across the many years that had passed...and he felt angry. Angry at the man...Jack? Yes...angry at Jack, angry at the pain, angry at life -   
  
- And he realized that he hadn't felt that emotion for a long time.  
  
But there was more than enough to be angry at in this world, wasn't there? As a mutant, he - and his teammates - were being hunted as animals, as something to be exterminated.  
  
Scott felt the rage course through his veins, destroying the illusion of perfection. He fought against the controlled mind he found himself trapped in, fought and was almost - *almost* free-  
  
"Scott?" Bobby asked concerned.  
  
Cyclops turned his head slightly and looked at him.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Are you okay? You seem...I don't know...a little pale."  
  
Cyclops blinked and cleared his mind. He tried to recall what had him so worked up before...but oddly, he couldn't remember. Oh, well. He would have remembered if it had been anything important. He shrugged and smiled slightly.  
  
"Just nerves, Bobby. Just wait 'till it's your turn to stand here. Oh, am I going to enjoy that..."  
  
Bobby grinned, his concern gone.  
  
"Well, Cyke, it won't be anytime soon. Right now I'm perfectly happy as a bachelor, thank you very much."  
  
Cyclops smirked.  
  
"We'll see about that one, Bobby. You'll see - one day you'll find that someone special, and before you know it, it'll be *you* with the noose around your neck. And what's worse - you won't even mind."  
  
Bobby mock-shivered.  
  
"Don't even joke about it, Cyke. I'll have nightmares about that for months to come."  
  
Cyclops grinned.  
  
"Just think of it as getting even for all those pranks you've pulled over the years."  
  
"But *Cyyy-yyke*!" Bobby whined and put on his best puppy-dog look. Unfortunately, his much-rehearsed performance was interrupted as the music began to play.   
  
Cyclops straightened and brushed some imaginary dirt of his tuxedo, then turned his attention to the aisle.   
  
First came one of Sam Guthrie's young sisters, throwing pale, pink flowers all around with a delighted smile on her young face.   
  
Cyclops found himself smiling back at her, and he wondered how long it would be before he and Jean had a child of their own.  
  
They both wanted children so badly, both wanted to hear the sound of little feet running abound in the Mansion. For a moment, he allowed himself to wonder about those imaginary children - would they look like him, or like Jean? Would they be boys or girls? Would they inherit their parents' powers?   
  
With both parents being mutants, those children could be more powerful than most of the X-Men.  
  
Cyclops frowned. Where had that thought come from? He didn't care if their children was powerful or not, he just-  
  
No. Children that powerful, and trained from childhood, could be a valuable asset to the team. Completely loyal to the Dream, completely loyal to their kind - they would be perfect.  
  
But he-  
  
And Jean walked down the aisle and he could think of no other arguments.  
  
She was truly perfect. A vision in white, as beautiful as the dawning day. The dress caught the sunrays and made her seem almost covered in glorious, white flames, reminding all present of the true power that lay beneath the delicate surface.  
  
How could he ever have doubted his love for her?  
  
Beside her was Xavier, giving her away since her father had been struck by a sudden sickness only weeks before the wedding. Oddly, Jean didn't seem that concerned about her father. It seemed like she was more interested in the wedding than in the wellbeing of her parents.  
  
This wasn't like Jean at all. The last time her father had been sick, she had been almost unable to focus on anything else...and for the last week-and-a-half, she had been acting like she didn't have a care in the world.  
  
It was-  
  
The thought eluded him as Jean reached him. He took her hand and sent her a loving smile.  
  
To think that he had once doubted that this was the woman he wanted to marry. Luckily, Xavier had been able to talk some sense into him.   
  
Cyclops remembered the conversation so vividly...  
  
"Jean wants to settle down. She wants a husband, a family, a home. And she wants those things with you."  
  
"Yes, Professor, but-"  
  
"I know it's a big decision, but please, do consider it. I know you. I know you long for stability and love. And Jean loves you...with all her heart."  
  
"Maybe...but it's a big step."  
  
"Just think about, Cyclops. Think about it for a while."  
  
Cyclops *had* thought about it - for most of the night, actually. And sometime during that long, restless night, he changed his mind. He wasn't sure *why*, but he had.  
  
And the Professor was right, Cyclops realized as he stood there next to Jean. They both needed stability in their lives. Stability and love and each other.   
  
It was so right. He and Jean...they would be so right and so perfect together. And if it hadn't been for the Professor, he would never have known how much he really loved Jean, or how much she loved him.  
  
But she didn't! Jean flirted with just about every male in the place - Logan, Warren, Gambit. How could he-  
  
A sudden suspicion made Scott stop that line of thoughts before he could take it any further. He strengthened his mental shields before he continued.  
  
How could he be sure that she really loved him? She'd kissed Logan more than one, and-  
  
This time he was prepared as the thought started to elude him. He desperately tried to fight back, to keep a hold on those unwanted thoughts, but he was too weak. The last fragments of the objections slipped through his mental fingers like fine grains of sand.  
  
Yes, she'd kissed Logan, but it was he, Cyclops, she had chosen to marry. She loved him and nothing would ever change that.  
  
He felt the beginning of a headache and sighed mentally.  
  
_Cyclops,_ Xavier asked. _Is there a problem?_  
  
_No, Sir, I just...have a headache, I think._  
  
_Ah, yes. I understand. It is perfectly all right to be nervous on your wedding day, you know._   
  
_I know, it's just that...everything feels so confusing right now - I feel like I don't even know what I want anymore. I want to get married, and I don't, I want my children to be powerful, and I don't. It's...confusing._  
  
_Allow me to help._  
  
Scott wanted to protest, but found himself unable to even form the thought before he felt Xavier's mental probe.   
  
He felt five psychic fingers sort through his thoughts and then resolutely lock some of them away behind a mental shield.  
  
Cyclops blinked. It *did* feel better.  
  
_Thank you, Sir._  
  
_You're welcome. Now, you better pay attention to your wedding, don't you think?_  
  
_Yes,_ Cyclops agreed and shook himself out of the mental reverie. He felt a surge of pride at the thought of how right, how perfect, this day was.   
  
Yes. This was how things were supposed to be.   
  
Satisfied, he focused on the priest's words, eagerly awaiting the moment that would unite him with Jean for the rest of their lives.  
  
"-In sickness and in health, till death do you apart?"   
  
Cyclops smiled, a perfect, dazzling smile and replied, "I do."  
  
And locked away in the darkest corners of his mind, Scott Summers screamed.  
  
***  
The End  
***  
  
Join the Madness!   
Sorcieré's Madhouse - www.wolverineandrogue.com/sorciere 


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